Conversations with (somewhat) animate objects

My garden and I had a conversation the other day.  This is how it went.

Garden: Oh hi, Cara.  It's been a few days since you visited.  I almost forgot what you looked like.

Me: I know, I feel really bad.  We had a garage sale to prep for and hold, potty training, the house is a mess yadda, yadda.

Garden:  Yeah, yeah, that's no excuse.

Me:  True.  I'm sorry I neglected you.  What's new?

Garden:  Well come over and see.  Do you remember the carrots you and Alyson planted in the old cheese puff barrel? 

Me: Yes - they were sprouting just the other day.  Alyson was so proud!

Garden:  Yeah, I remember that too.  OK, now do you remember that crazy storm that dumped buckets of water?  And that Rex's sprinklers don't seem to have an 'off' setting?

Me: (apprehensively) Yeah... why?

Garden:  They've turned into a little swamp.   Apparently the 'holes' you poked in the bottom of the barrel were not enough to let all the excess water drain out.  And now they're plugged with icky stuff.

Me: Oh no!  Oh, my poor Aly-pie.  Um, also - ew.  We'll have to try replanting after I clean that all out.  And actually drill holes rather than just use a box knife.

Garden: Good call - Aly and MayLee have been having a lot of fun with the garden too. 

Me: I really I missed you.

Garden: I missed you too.

Me:  Ok, so what else have I missed?

Garden: Oh, well there is one thing. 

Me:  What?  And, hey - why are you squirming?

Garden:  Well, it's no biggie, I'm just a little itchy. 

Me:  Itchy, why?  Where?

Garden:  Ooh, right here - on the broccoli leaves.  Oh! And on the romaine!

Me:  Let me see!  (gasp) You have aphids!!!  How could I have let this happen?

Garden:  I don't know, but please get rid of them.

Me:  Here's one now.

Garden: Ah that's much better.  There are about 60 more though.

Me: Well let's deal with this one first.

Garden:  What are you going to do?  Put it somewhere else?

Me:  Nope.  I squished it.

Garden: Why'd you do that?  It was a little bitty living creature.

Me:  I'm sorry, but the aphid should have known. You mess with my girls or my garden and I will mess you up.

Garden:  Wow.

Me:  Ok, now that I've gotten rid of all the aphids I could find, let's move on.  What else is cooking?

Garden:  Well have you noticed how spectacular the romaine lettuce is?

Me:  My, my - you have been busy.  Very beautiful.  I think I will have some in a salad, thank you very much.

Garden:  Ahh, thank you - that's nice.  Kind of like a back scratch.
Me:  What's next?
Garden: Come see the cute little lettuce you planted!

Me:  Oh, my goodness.  They're adorable.  And so fluffy.  Well done!

Garden:  Why thank you.  And how would you like to check on the Baby Pam Pumpkin you thought you killed?

Me:  What, it's not dead?

Garden:  Doesn't appear to be.  Or maybe we just need to update our definition for dead.   

Me:  But its stem split!  How can it be alive?

Garden:  I'm sure I don't know, but oh, hey - be careful, the leaves and vines are a little prickly.

Me:  Owch, I see what you mean.  Well, at any rate, I'm glad to see that you're alive and well, Baby Pam.

Me:  OK, what else?

Garden:  Well, there's so much more to talk about, but there's maybe just one more thing I want to show you.

Me:  What's that?

Garden: They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

Me:  Well, we have been talking a lot.

Garden:  True, but come see what I've been up to.

Me: Are those Pea Blossoms?  You're making peas for me?!

Garden: (nods)

Me: Oh my gosh!  You did it!  Even though I took waaaay too long to plant them!   I'm so excited!  Thank you thank you thank you!

Garden:  You're most welcome.  Just visit a bit more regularly or I'll eat them myself.